Tuesday, July 21, 2009

What? Flesh-eating robots?!? Don't be ridiculous!

So, recently we heard about a new "biomass powered" robot being developed for the military.

The initial reports were that it would ingest anything organic.

You know, trees, grass, dead soldiers littering a battlefield.

That kind of stuff.

I'm sure the robot's designers thought headlines like these wouldn't lead to any kind of stir, kerfluffle, backlash or double-takes.

Sadly, that's not what happened, so we get a, ahem, "clarification" that involves THE BEST ON THE RECORD STATEMENT IN RECORDED HISTORY:

"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, the chief executive of Cyclone Power Technologies, one of the companies behind the machine.

He then went on to drop as many earthy-crunchy eco-buzzwords as possible, probably wrinkling his brow in confusion at the way the reporter kept rewinding the tape of his previous statement, listening to it, muttering "they said the medication would keep this happening again" and playing it AGAIN.

"We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter. The commercial applications alone for this earth-friendly energy solution are enormous."

That's more than one eco-platitude per sentence. Nicely done!

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