Thursday, November 30, 2006

Bill Gates for President

Scott Adams has this exactly right:

The man took one look at capitalism and beat it like a 14-year old boy with unrestricted Internet access. Bill Gates is a winner. Wouldn’t you prefer having him on your side for a change, beating the crap out of North Korea instead of Netscape?

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t want a role model in the White House. And it seems I usually get my wish no matter which party wins. If you haven’t already told your kids “don’t fellate the president” then you’re probably a bad parent.

Forget about whatever Bill Gates did in the past that made you curl up with your free copy of Linux and cry. In his first week in office he’d probably link Microsoft Virtual Earth to the government’s spy satellites so you can look for Osama yourself. I’ve always felt that terrorism is a technology problem disguised as a political problem. Bill Gates can fix that.

For my president I want a mixture of Mother Teresa, Carl Sagan, Warren Buffet, and Darth Vader. Bill has all of their good stuff. His foundation will save more lives than Mother Teresa ever did. He’s got the Carl Sagan intelligence and rational mind. He’s a hugely successful businessman. And I have every reason to believe he can choke people just by concentrating in their general direction. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t be useful at a summit.

I’ve always felt that you should pick a president the same way you’d pick an attorney to help you out of a dangerous legal problem. Do you want the attorney who dresses nicely and belongs to your church? Or do you want the attorney who can rip out your opponent’s heart and put it on the hibachi before he dies? Maybe it’s just me, but I want an attorney who is part demon. And I want a president who isn’t afraid to make rational decisions.

Now in the interest of balance, I have to acknowledge there would be some downside to the Bill Gates presidency. For example, he doesn’t have a voice you’d want to hear every night on the news. But I’d be happy if he just stayed home and ran things by e-mail. I really don’t need to hear him yammering to know he’s working. If I have questions, I'll check his blog.

Second – and this is the most disturbing part – I noticed on the www.BillGatesforPresident.net web site that Bill is starting to look like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. (See his picture with Queen Elizabeth.) That’s only going to get worse. But I’m willing to overlook it.

Bill Gates for president – you could say you have a better idea, but you’d be lying.

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